petrokazakhstan

from Imperial Earth, by Arthur C. Clarke (1976)
"For the last century, almost all top political appointments on Terra[Earth] had been made by random computer selection from the pool of individuals who had the necessary qualifications. It had taken the human race several thousand years to realize that there were some jobs that should never be given to people who volunteered for them, especially if they showed too much enthusiasm. As one shrewd political commentator had remarked: 'We want a President who has to be carried kicking and screaming into the White House - but will do the best job he possibly can, so that he'll get time off for good behaviour.'"

i think i took that to heart, and as a result i am a poor self promoter. or, rather, i think i am, despite having won an election by promoting myself to 2256 people. when it comes to finding a job, however, i don't want to push myself. i want to be 'the obvious choice'. i want to position myself as the only option, without ever having to mention that i am interested. then, when i do express interest, the reaction is not surprise, but 'oh, but of course!'. to be honest, i did less self-promotion in the election than relative promotion 'you might as well vote for me; do you know what the OTHER guy might do?' no matter how much work i put into a platform and careful positioning(seriously!) i tell myself that only won because of the other guy. to believe that means i have not yet reached potential, and am still upwardly mobile.

amanda and i found a lot of books today. recommending books is an exciting thing, especially when a copy is right there to hand over. a list of what i picked out for her today:
-eden robinson, monkey beach
-alexander solzhenitsyn, one day in the life of ivan denisovitch
-don delillo, mao II
-douglas coupland, generation x

i read generation x in november 2001(i date all of my books to the month that i read them on the title page. i know i will appreciate the record when i have a library.) and of course i loved it. it, and microserfs(march 2002) are like candy; because i doubted how much i would appreciate them in years to come. i'll probably re-read generation x with amanda.

i wrote about mao II on august 15th. there's a certain stress to lending a book to a friend. if they don't get it, will their esteem drop in my eyes? if they get more out of it than i did, will my esteem drop in theirs? or the other way, if either gets a lot less, and feels superior to the other who took a foolish book too seriously. sharing books is terribly personal, far more than i initially thought. there is a lot of trust involved. to go back to a thought from august: is this another reason that book clubs faded away? it's almost on the level of group prayer, for the level of trust and investment needed. or did book clubs work because they were generally populated with relative strangers, who had no reason to react through lenses? a book club amongst friends would be far harder to manage than a book club amongst casual acquaintances.

i am having trouble reading. there are so many books that i want to assimilate, as well as even more that i just want to read. as a result, i sit beside my bookshelf to read any given book and find myself leafing through other books sitting about, excited about every single one but unable to focus. i tell myself... tomorrow... next weekend... this evening... the week in surrey FOR SURE i will sit down and seriously focus. procrastination makes sense when the task is arduous, but this is more like psychotically delayed gratification. i spend all semester telling myself that i can't read anything but assigned texts and recommended readings, and it is a hard mentality to break out of. i still feel slightly guilty reading a novel anywhere but on a bus or skytrain car.

politics is the only road to heaven now

the title comes from a rallying cry of the social gospel movement in winnipeg, 1920 or so. their goal was to 'build the kingdom of god on earth', in opposition to the mainstream churches who would tell poor people that, rather than attempt to change contitions here and now, they should hurry up and die, because heaven awaited the virtuous. wait a second, why make people suffer now? why not build the kingdom of god on earth? fabian socialists wanted to seize the state through democratic means. these sentiments came together in the resigned, yet determined title statement. politics is the only road to heaven now. j.s. woodsworth was elected as a progressive party m.p. for winnipeg north centre in 1920.

the goal of the british socialist party, at the turn of the 19th century, was to make only substantative policy change: enact a 100% inheritance tax. within one generation, all collected weath would be redistributed amongst the masses, and the bourgeousie would be back at the starting gate.

i have not listened to long fin killie in ages, which is disappointing. putting houdini on now is a revelation: i really had good taste in high school! it is still an unclassifiable album, drawing on stuff that i simply don't know, i can only assume for how novel a lot of it sounds. i don't have any similar albums, aside from their second album, valentino. there's some morrissey in here, definitely, in terms of the sexual politics and drama. the violin and woodcut aesthetic is different, though, as is the relative lack of misery, etc. hm. i listened to long fin killie before morrissey, too!

i finished fights of our lives tonight. it's been on my reading list for several years now, and didn't quite live up to its promise, but that's ok.

records that sound good while it is snowing.(it is snowing? the sky is snowing? the clouds are snowing? what is the "it" that is snowing...? that's a strange sentence structure, but i think it is technically correct. it is snowing.)

• cocteau twins, victorialand(1986)
  
• saint etienne, too young to die: singles 1990-1995 - i bought this without ever hearing saint etienne before, and it made my year. that would have been the end of 2000, i guess.
  
• jane siberry, no borders here(1983)
  
• bruce cockburn, high winds white sky(1971), and joy will find a way(1974)
  

'it' isn't snowing but i wish it would. the lake has been frozen over, just enough so that ducks can walk across, but dogs can't. last year it was frozen solid, and i walked across with my dog. perhaps we'll get a cold snap in january again.

i don't listen to the cocteau twins enough. i also don't explore enough. i had a great time exploring the other night. i will have to get my camera fixed soon, and take it out on trips. there is so much to explore! i will also need to compile a list of 24-hour establishments. i though i'd discovered a new 24-hour coffee shop, but in trrying to recall where it is, or when i'd found it, i think i just dreamed it. i seem to recall garett being present. it was near water, with a neon sign, standalone, round... called 'waves' or something similar. we didn't go in, but noted the sign in the window: 24hrs.

against the underground

my reading list:
sharon butala, lilac moon: dreaming of the real west
bill gaston, sointula
ian waddell, a thirst to die for (ha!)
someone and someone, the rebel sell

maybe something else. a potboiler or two. i'll return with a film list later. there's a huge difference between "i love film" and "i love movies". between a "film list" and a "movie list".i think what i have is a movie list.

here is a song:
tony rice, brown mountain light

wyatt's torch

some songs:

• swing out sister, you on my mind (1987)
  
• veda hille, tuktoyaktuk hymn, (2005)
  
• tony rice, streets of london (1986)
  

when i say that i am feeling 'punchy', do you understand? i find it an apt descriptor for a certain mood. i often feel 'punchy' at work.

i'm developing my tolerance for bourbon. it affects me less; i need to drink more and more to get buzzed, which is obviously problematic. this spring, jack daniels still felt quite rough to me, but now it is very easy, perhaps too easy to drink. i'm not getting the warmth in my throat that i want. it's a problem.

i worry that my left eye is degrading; it gets misty sometimes, especially at night. just the left one, which is weaker already. interesting.

on the bus this morning i read chapter 8, the john galt line, from atlas shrugged. specifically, the second half, the inaugural run. it's still my favourite bit of literature for the sheer momentum. i am still puzzled by the sexual politics of dagny and hank. i'll be moving forward in the book now; i'd been waiting for this part for a number of days now. it lived up to my recollection. after the first time i read atlas shrugged i would read this chapter, out of context, all the time, because it was so forceful.

a new historical condition

i've made myself a fleetwood mac greatest hits:
1. gypsy
2. gold dust woman
3. rhiannon
4. you make loving fun
5. seven wonders
6. everywhere
7. landslide
8. storms
9. sisters of the moon
10. dreams
11. go your own way
12. silver springs
13. sara

it's heavy on stevie nicks, light on christine mcvie, and almost totally absent on lindsay buckingham. the momentum of dreams, sara, and gypsy makes me happy. the crescendo of silver springs halfway through makes my day everytime. a whole new set of favourite songs! hooray!

i'm getting back into atlas shrugged, now that my paper is done. i'll use it as stress relief during the next two months. i'm working to get my hours done in the next ten days, so that i'll be free for the rest of the month. letting go of committments after two days when i've felt at the very top of my game will be hard, however. i've accomplished a lot, and set in motion even more. i've also found myself as the lynchpin, of sorts, of a key policy negotiation. this is when i lean on the connections i've forged all year, so far, and gamble on the trust i've built. i work with someone who consistently says that 'work doesn't get done in meetings', and i am living to be the counter example. define 'work', motherfucker. let's whip it out. seriously, though, there is nothing i like better than a good face-to-face meeting with someone with whom i share mutual respect. i shift topics rapidly, and, perhaps unfairly, judge others on their ability to bounce about on subject matter.

notes:

• the piano in massive attack's teardrop is still quite incredible, all these years later. i listened to protection and bjork's post a lot when i started at purdy's in 1999. both albums still make me think of working at 'pacific centre - atrium', and the scent of crushed almonds.
  
• to follow from that, i'm now entering just my second december since leaving purdy's last year i was... still depressed, writing sporadic news articles for the peak, still seeing the student society as a holy grail of proud accomplishment, finishing up my service to the citizen's assembly, not yet taking ownership of the NDP, and wondering what to do. i was not unhappy, though.
  
• here's stan rogers, the witch of the westmoreland. amanda, i think you might like it.
  
• songs that remind me of my election campaign in 2003 include hall and oates' privates eyes, gowan's moonlight desires, damon and naomi's astrafiammante, and toto's africa. i think i am still working to recapture what i felt through those months.
  
• amanda, kevin, and i were in kinko's waiting for our senate posters to get printed, and the beatles' and your bird can sing came on the radio. that song and she said she said, from the same album, along with here there and everywhere soundtracked this year's election. i've still got unresolved stuff from this year, but i will mention again that i got more votes than anyone, ever. 2256 raw votes, 64.5 percent. we failed, strategically, and i know that now, but, not being an incumbent, i did not feel confident enough on the slate to drive our campaign properly. the multiple threads that were combined in that think pink camapign are still surprising to me: it was a coup, and one that i should still be proud of. the fact that we lost is incidental, really; my triumph was the existence of such a slate to begin with, and there is only so much responsibility that i can take for my teammates.
  
• i still have unresolved stuff from this year.
  
• potential titles include 'there is a light that never goes out'.