petrokazakhstan

from Imperial Earth, by Arthur C. Clarke (1976)
"For the last century, almost all top political appointments on Terra[Earth] had been made by random computer selection from the pool of individuals who had the necessary qualifications. It had taken the human race several thousand years to realize that there were some jobs that should never be given to people who volunteered for them, especially if they showed too much enthusiasm. As one shrewd political commentator had remarked: 'We want a President who has to be carried kicking and screaming into the White House - but will do the best job he possibly can, so that he'll get time off for good behaviour.'"

i think i took that to heart, and as a result i am a poor self promoter. or, rather, i think i am, despite having won an election by promoting myself to 2256 people. when it comes to finding a job, however, i don't want to push myself. i want to be 'the obvious choice'. i want to position myself as the only option, without ever having to mention that i am interested. then, when i do express interest, the reaction is not surprise, but 'oh, but of course!'. to be honest, i did less self-promotion in the election than relative promotion 'you might as well vote for me; do you know what the OTHER guy might do?' no matter how much work i put into a platform and careful positioning(seriously!) i tell myself that only won because of the other guy. to believe that means i have not yet reached potential, and am still upwardly mobile.

amanda and i found a lot of books today. recommending books is an exciting thing, especially when a copy is right there to hand over. a list of what i picked out for her today:
-eden robinson, monkey beach
-alexander solzhenitsyn, one day in the life of ivan denisovitch
-don delillo, mao II
-douglas coupland, generation x

i read generation x in november 2001(i date all of my books to the month that i read them on the title page. i know i will appreciate the record when i have a library.) and of course i loved it. it, and microserfs(march 2002) are like candy; because i doubted how much i would appreciate them in years to come. i'll probably re-read generation x with amanda.

i wrote about mao II on august 15th. there's a certain stress to lending a book to a friend. if they don't get it, will their esteem drop in my eyes? if they get more out of it than i did, will my esteem drop in theirs? or the other way, if either gets a lot less, and feels superior to the other who took a foolish book too seriously. sharing books is terribly personal, far more than i initially thought. there is a lot of trust involved. to go back to a thought from august: is this another reason that book clubs faded away? it's almost on the level of group prayer, for the level of trust and investment needed. or did book clubs work because they were generally populated with relative strangers, who had no reason to react through lenses? a book club amongst friends would be far harder to manage than a book club amongst casual acquaintances.

i am having trouble reading. there are so many books that i want to assimilate, as well as even more that i just want to read. as a result, i sit beside my bookshelf to read any given book and find myself leafing through other books sitting about, excited about every single one but unable to focus. i tell myself... tomorrow... next weekend... this evening... the week in surrey FOR SURE i will sit down and seriously focus. procrastination makes sense when the task is arduous, but this is more like psychotically delayed gratification. i spend all semester telling myself that i can't read anything but assigned texts and recommended readings, and it is a hard mentality to break out of. i still feel slightly guilty reading a novel anywhere but on a bus or skytrain car.