a life of small horizons

+ i have not been reading as much as i'd like to. further, i have a number of books (semi)actively on the go. right now, john le carre - tinker tailor soldier spy. also, a book about how franchises took over america, a book about hockey in canadian popular culture, a book about bill vander zalm's gov't, a robert heinlein book, don delillo's the names (my favourite book). i'm not more than 50 pages into any of them, with the exception of the names, which i am nearly finished.

+ a life of small horizons. a conscious choice. lillooet vs. everything else. at the same time, i live in a place now that i used to see every weekend from the skytrain window. i know where i live now because of where i grew up. i know how to site myself.

+ i love paris, and would love to return. rather, i plan to return. train stations and metro lines. i read the names on vacation because i wanted to wallow in it, and i did. i kept a paper journal, recording facts and details. timelines. i know how i felt, and who i am and was, but i don't know the timelines, the triggers. so, i kept those recorded.

+ in may 1999 i started to work at purdy's downtown. things changed. mostly my memory. that's when i date smells and sounds to. previously, i can only recall senses. as in vague senses. but i can date the smell of fucking crushed almonds to that summer, and four years following. eating in the food court. ms vanellis. flaming wok - i'd eat rice, sesame chicken, and vegetables. or, i'd eat a side of bourbon chicken on its own. or, i'd eat a side of vegetables. i knew how far i could get and what i could eat in a 15 minute break vs. a 30 minute break. i drank so much coffee. from yogen fruz across the hall, even though it was awful coffee, because they were nice and we got it cheap and sometimes free, at the end of the day. or blenz, also in the mall.

+ further, i'm not sure what year we stopped going down to eugene, oregon as a family each summer. at some point i brought a discman down and started listening to joni mitchell in the car. i wish i could index my itunes to when i'd bought records, as opposed to when i imported them. since 2001 i have been recording the month and year that i read a book on the title page. i wish i'd done the same with CDs. for a time i could recall where i'd bought albums and what other albums i'd bought at the same time. i don't know that anymore.

+ bike riding all day. downtown, then to breakfast, then to spanish banks and back.

+ camping last weekend, to cottonwood again, outside lillooet. powerful stuff.

+ almost done school. maybe. 4 or 5 more papers total. ever? maybe ever.

+ i just want to read some novels again. short stories. vacation without the pressure. i can do this, with concentration and focus. prioritisation.