the electro-mountain caverns

the alternate title was going to be 'colloqium for change'. hooray for the learning roundtable! the govt's appropriation of consensus terminology delights me to no end. partially because i have autocratic tendencies. i readily admit to needing to know everything that is happening at all times. i read newspapers obsessively. i want to be as aware as possible. being caught unawares, in fact, is one of my great anxieties. while i am merely the university relations officer, i have been working to make sure that there is an aspect of my portfolio in every issue that arises, so that i can keep a finger on every pulse. i want to be up on every single item of discussion. not in control, necessarily, but aware. then, if the need arises, i will have enough background to take control.

the anxiety of influence is one of my very favourite concepts.

i'm still catching up from last week, i feel. i've spent all week in meetings, or rushing to prepare for meetings. i have meetings again from 10.00 to 2.30 tomorrow. i had hoped to take friday for catch-up, but friday we're having a revolution, apparently. i'd eat the ducks, but i am worried about bird flu.

should i make plans for the future around bird flu? apparently we are all going to die of bird flu. it's coming to canada in big container trucks. maybe in tankers. great big tanks of bird flu. i'm suspicious of the ducks in the park, because they might give me bird flu. how much agency do the ducks have, when it comes to bird flu? if they connect me with my dog, who chases them for kicks, will they give me bird flu? i am the only person that i know who is concerned about bird flu. i'm not even that concerned, but rather fascinated at how calmly everyone is accepting bird flu, despite the daily pronouncements in the newspaper about how horrible bird flu will be when it finally happens. there is no vaccine. all the theory dictates that we will have an epidemic of something, and it might as well be bird flu. it will come to humans, and we will have no defenses, no boilerplate antibodies to press into service. bird flu will kill us all. the newspapers have told us this repeatedly. bird flu is on an inexhorable march across the planet, and the only chance we have of stopping it, apparently, is killing every bird in advance, which we do not have the capacity or will to do. we are calmly accepting these reports, nodding and smiling at the scientists but the scientists are repeatedly telling us that we are going to die. bird flu will kill us all. are we all just inured to the hyperbole? this should mean something more to us.

bird flu seems like something out of a don delillo novel. at times, i conciously model my dialogue after don delillo. i'll be really happy if don delillo writes about bird flu. i want his analysis.

albums that i really enjoy, but rarely ever listen to:
underworld, beaucoup fish (1998)
k.d. lang, all you can eat (1995)
dire straits, brothers in arms (1986)
destroyer, this night (2002)
dead can dance, into the labyrinth (1993)
the tragically hip, phantom power (1998)

then, there are albums that i cite as the best ever, that i am frightened to listen to often, for fear of destroying their mystique.
bruce cockburn, the charity of night (1996)
cocteau twins, heaven or las vegas (1990)
joni mitchell, don juan's reckless daughter (1977)
michelle mcadorey, whirl (2000)