duality

i was horribly sick all day. it's because we were drinking heavily and consistently from 7pm to 4am. we drank all of the clubhouse's beer. they switched kegs, but we finished that one too. so, we started buying bottles of asahi. they kicked us out after 1am, so we went to rich's townhouse and kept drinking; the group had gone down from approx. 20 people at 11pm to only 6 at rich's place. eating is such a delicate task after puking all day. sometimes i think a hangover is worth it for how lovely everything is when it's gone. this afternoon i was wondering if i would ever feel better. now i do, and everything is wonderful. but i do feel weak. i didn't leave the house at all today.

now i am procrastinating on writing 1000 words on a book that i really enjoy. i know what to say, kinda. i have not read the whole book, which is just silly, because i really like it. it's because i'm lazy and self-destructive. the late penalty is only 2% per day, and i am considering that option - handing it in to the department on friday - to give myself the chance to write a better paper. i think it's worthwhile.

i bought rich's old iPod from him yesterday. i'm a little scared of it, but also strangely tantalised. it's because i am deeply neurotic about my record collection and how i listen to it. 'but it's just a digital audio device.' that's like saying that the skytrain is just a rapid transit system. that my house is just a set of walls and a roof. we all hear the same song, but what we take in is shaped by what we ate for breakfast, for example, or how we slept the night before. or, most frustratingly, the environment in which we hear the song. this is the source of my anxiety. it's been well over a year since i've had a working discman, and i've really enjoyed just listening to the skytrain, to the bus, to walking. but there are the days when i really need to shut it off. i don't have any earbuds anymore, so i guess i'll try tomorrow with big headphones. i'm always so nervous that everyone around can hear my music. i don't want to be obnoxious.

the only history you can tell is autobiography, and when you tell another history, it becomes a part of your own. and that's ok. it makes me dizzy, though.

i bought the sea and cake's oui when it came out in 2000 because the cover was absolutely gorgeous and i was curious. i listened to it a lot over the next year. it's what i hoped my life as an adult would sound like. i'm not even kidding! i'd listen to it on my discman while walking from downtown to commercial drive along keefer and frances.